mynameismuqsit

flashback

2007-06-10T17:05:00.000+08:00

You're far away I know that's true,
I wish that I was there with you...

Send me the pillow that you dream on,
So that I may rest my head upon the same pillow and share your dreams.

Look at the stars....
and you will see that we are not as far apart as we may seem.

Cast your wishes upon the winds,
So that I may hear them and wish for them to come true.

Everything you see, The stars and the moon;
Remember that I can see them too.

Wherever you are, Wherever I am;
Don't forget that we're seeing the exact same stars.

So look up at the sky wherever you are...
and you'll see the distance between us isn't very far.

I just wanted you to know,
that it is you that fills my heart.

Missing you,
More than you will ever know.

Always...

summons

2007-05-27T13:53:00.000+08:00

You were right old friend - because if anything, this time especially - it'd be me and not anyone else..

but I want it, not only because of the obvious beauty

but because there's things that need to be fixed and I need to work for this or risk being forever lost and stuck in the recesses of self conflict.

I can't go on with the cycle and I cannot leave a scar because this time I don't want to just stay the same.

I need to grow. I need to learn.

....and if I hurt myself in the process - if I fall, bleed or if I were to lose myself once more

this time is different.

This time will be worth it.

Because we all need something to die for

to make living so beautiful.

...Happy Birthday to You, Jess..
...Happy Advance Birthday to You, Kimmy...
...May All Your Wishes Come True...
...Enjoy This Special Day of Yours...
...Take Gd Care...

A Battle You Can't Win

2007-04-18T20:50:00.000+08:00

A Battle You Can't Win

Soldiers put down your weapons, these two hearts have stopped beating.
Raise your white flags up high,
it seems the enemy has been cheating. 

Lets just give up this stupid fight,
we have all forgotten who started the war.
These battles have been going on forever
I don't remember what I'm fighting for. 

“Sir, you've loved her for so long,
why are you going to let her win?”
"Private, this is a matter of life and love,
Breaking hearts would be considered sin" 

Call in the troops we're going home,
there's no way we can win this one.
She fought me off for so long,
it's better we say she has won.

The Big Book Of Regret

2007-04-17T21:58:00.000+08:00

*The Big Book Of Regret*

Do you regret at all?
Are you a victim of its sting?
When you're in pain and thinking,
Do you ever feel a thing?

When the world spins on its axis,
And you're thinking of the past,
Is your mind just like mine,
In the race yours comes in last?

I've tried to be perfect,
But it's never up to par,
With exactly what you want,
Or with exactly who you are.

I'm tired of adding pages,
To my book of regret,
And your not even helping,
Half the book is you, I'll bet...

I'm trying to tell you,
Just what I feel right now,
But it's just not worth it,
To try to figure out how.

I'm better off without you,
And I know that you agree,
You are just too heartless,
And a bit too brash for me.

Nothing can save me now,
From what I have to do.
I've lost everything.
All thanks to you

Like what you wrote in your blog
Which i happened to stumble upon and look through
So here i am now, writing in my regret book,
And this new entry is you.

Guess it's your decision to regret knowing my friends and i....
It's your choice and there's nothing we could do but feel dissapointed
All i could say now is...Think carefully again....
We've done our best and so much for you.
We've sacrificed so much and put in our efforts just to help you solve all problems you used to face
be it personal or school problems.
All these while we've always been by your side.
Giving all the support you needed.
It's sad
So sad to say that you are just blind to all of our sacrifices....
We seemed to be just a substitute of friends in your life.
When you found other better friends, you simply just kick us aside.
And now you are cowardly running away from us and at the same time
saying that you regret knowing us.
Nevertherless, after all that had happened, we'll still be here if you ever want to talk to any of us ever again.
To you....we may no longer be your friends
But....
To us....you still are.
Good luck to you.

way back into love

2007-04-08T17:21:00.000+08:00

I've been living with a shadow over head
I've been sleeping with a cloud on my bed
I've been lonely for so long
Trapped in the past, I just can't seem to move on

I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away
Just in case I have in need of them again someday
I've been setting aside time to clear a little space in the corners of my mind

All I wanna do is find the way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love

I've been watching for the stars that used to shine
I've been searching but I just don't see the sign
I know that it's out there
There gotta be something from my soul somewhere

I've been looking for someone to shed some light
Not somebody just to get me through the night
I could use some directions
And I'm open to your suggestions

All I wanna do is find the way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love

And if I open my heart to you
I hope that you'll tell me what to do
And if you help me to start again
You know that I'll be there for you in the end

beautiful past

2007-02-28T21:49:00.000+08:00

"i'm thankful,
and there isn't a slightest bit of regret

but,

for now,

i'll just indulge in the past
cause it was once beautiful."

true fact abt me

2007-02-25T21:48:00.000+08:00

I'm at a point in my life where there's been many changes and I'm still trying very hard adjusting.
And maybe I'm happy but than again maybe I’m not. I don't know.
But changes are somewhat good, I guess. I'm embracing them.

I have been waiting and hoping that what I have been wishing for will come true and it hasn't. Therefore now I stand and wonder if I should carry on waiting or I should simply move on.

I choose to believe that God will bless me with the happiness in life. He know my needs better than I know myself. And cause' He knows that people fall in love, but they choose to stay in love; and He knows that feelings can come and go, but it's the commitment that will keep two people going in the love marathon. It's such sweet liberty, isn't it? Opening my eyes to all these, so much, and it has been a revelation.

Sometimes I just wish for her to fight a little more, put in a little more effort, just to make things work and make me feel genuinely loved. Sometimes I just wish for her to choose me, fight for me, love me. Maybe she had me there only when she wanted and needed me, and now she has decided to give up, forsake me, and break whatever promises we once made in our hearts.

So, the relationship has promises which we made on our own accord and it’s sad that we can't follow through. I don't wanna think I suck at relationships, just cause' of people's doing unto me. But in all ways I can't describe it, it sometimes feels as if I really suck at it, even though I know it's not true.

I Love You, and I only wish for you to be singing it to me. The truth is, you are supposed to sing it to me, maybe not the same words, maybe not the same melody, but still, with all the same heart and emotion I could ever possibly imagine. I wanna be able to write a love story with God and that special someone using my entire lifetime.

And you know, I don't wanna be a bedtime story that flew outta your window, outta your life. I still wanna be the one you promised you'd be true to, the one you sing about. I didn't get into this only to get outta it. You said you love me, and maybe you shouldn't have, when you know not gonna stay here with me. Love is here to stay, and I know i don't have anything but love and a true heart to give to you. And loving me is simply just to stay here with me. What’s the point of loving when you can't stay? What cuts the deepest isn't now that you're gone, but of those things we have ever said and promised, and now, we can't even fulfill any of them.

I used to be concretely firm and strong on my stand; I used to not give up without a fight in what I believe in. I used to not letting chances slip away like this. I won't admit defeat. But sadly, the battle has already ended. For now, I still trust my instincts, but it's you that's draining me dry, the bleaks of grey skies and scary feelings that comes haunting me. I couldn't stay strong forever, or can I? Sometimes it's sad to know that it's your heart that you can't trust. That deceitful heart.

Well, so this is it, back at where I started. And this is where lovers become strangers, and when love couldn't be more real in its very sense. Not being in a relationship is only a technicality, but it doesn't change the fact that

I still love

and miss you,

and........

I still care about you.

Because, really, it's true....

".....So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands
and pray to be only Yours
I pray to be only Yours
I know now you're my only hope....."

honour this silence

2007-02-20T15:33:00.000+08:00

*Honour This Silence*

I'll walk away

from this broken future..

only to look back at it

as a distant memory

.shelved.

The late night irony.

2007-01-28T23:35:00.000+08:00

**The late night irony.**

The greatest irony of love..

is letting go when you need to hold on
and
holding on when you need to let go.

how true.
Good Night.

how do

2007-01-28T22:23:00.000+08:00

::"How do...."::

How do you cope when
The one you love is with somebody else
And there's nothing you could do about it?
How do I deal with
The fact that you had a chance
But you chose to turn and run away
I gotta take it though it's heartbreakin'
It's something that I had to do,
But nobody said that it would hurt so bad,
So how do I live...how do I deal without you?

"...every night
i held my breathe and closed my eyes.
and pray it would all go away..."

morning cry

2007-01-26T06:48:00.000+08:00

::Morning Tears::

I don't understand why i feel the same way again and again, the same goddamn time.

Suddenly i am hit by wave upon wave of sinking gloom and sooner or later my vision grows limited, my breathing dulls down to a sullen whimper and automatically, as if by some twisted means of fate - i stumble across you. This time, in something i've saved and kept locked away since you left.

The stuffs you made and gave me...letters...cards....etc.....

If you, who have been in my thoughts for all these while, is reading this, then i must have you know - that it would mean the world to me -

if you would just ask me for the stuffs u gave,
and read it....

Read it the way i just have.

Smile the way i did

...........and cry the way i have been crying,

all these times....

Good Morning..to all....

6.45am

2007-01-24T06:46:00.000+08:00

Now...at this moment....
at 6.45am......
i cant believe .....
i'm actually typing this.....

maybe cuz i juz gt up
feeling so f*cked up and lousy....

at this moment......
i'm really in need of a shoulder.....
a shoulder to cry on.....
so help me God

so here i am now....
at this moment.....
at 6.45am.....

"dear god......
on my knees right now....
with my eyes being slowly fiiled up with tears
i beg.....
i beg for you to heal my wounds.....
i beg for you to take away my misery.....
i bed for you to take away my sadness and pain....
cuz only You've seen... knew what i've gone through
and how i suffered.
........
............
................
and only You....
can help

thank you"

Make Me Whole Again

2007-01-22T14:06:00.000+08:00

If you see me walking down the street
Staring at the sky
And dragging my two feet
You just pass me by
It still makes me cry
But you can make me whole again

And If you see me with another girl
I'm Laughin and I'm jokin'
Tryin to get by
I Won't put you down
Cuz i want you around
You can make me whole again

Looking back on when we first met
I can not escape
I can not forget
Girl you're the one,
you still turn me on
You can make me whole again

Time is layin' heavy on my heart
Seems I've got too much of it
Since we've been apart
My friends make me smile
If only for while
You can make me whole again

For now I'll have to wait
But if you change your mind
Don't be too late
Cause I just can't go on
It's already been too long
But you could make me whole again

tried

2007-01-18T00:01:00.000+08:00

i tried

there nothing more that i can do.
its pretty clear where and what it is.
its moments like this i wish i wasnt human enough.

i do wish sometimes... but its just wishful thinking me.

===========================
*******"everything i am trying do,**********
* is to bring myself one step closer to you.*
******* but am i moving backwards?********
*********** are you moving away? **********
************* or isit just me?"***************
===========================

..i..

2007-01-17T00:13:00.000+08:00

*** "i" ***

i placed this heart once in your hand.
you held it close, you held it wise.
but soon, you open up your fingers too fast.
and there it was. this heart. it fell to the ground.
with a thud, with a noise.
it lay flat with the occasional pump.
my job was to pick myself up.
i did.

so now, here it is.
i place this heart in a jar. and hide it so that no one else could touch it.

i see them. in them, i see you.
at the end of the day, i know im denying this.

but i do,

still

miss you...

imu...

2007-01-14T23:32:00.000+08:00

I don't say it as often as i used to....

cause now....

i no longer have the chance to even say it....

But i still do.....

....I.M.U....
(Take Good Care)

random

2007-01-12T15:55:00.000+08:00

" It might not be the right time
I might not be the right one -
but there's something about us i want to say -
Cuz there's something between us, anyway.

I might not be the right one -
It might not be the right time
but there's something about us i've got to do;
some kind of secret i will share with you."

Distant Memory

2007-01-04T18:55:00.000+08:00

***DISTANT MEMORY***

A simple thought i'd dreamed
A thought so real so strange i feel
A calling somewhere close so real
A place i'd keep in memories

I thought that you would still be mine
In heart in soul to keep in time
A distant memory so fine
I'll never ever leave behind;

A distant memory
Remembering the wounds that cannot heal
I cannot hear the words
or feel the way you wanted me to be
A distant memory
remembering the wounds that cannot heal
I put the pains of life behind to seek
This distant memory.

Remembering the times,
That you were mine,
And everything was fine;
The caution thrown behind,
To distant winds,
Beneath the sands of time;

I thought that you would be the same,
These thoughts they drive me so insane,
Each time spent looking back,
The pain attacks, the day turns to the rain.

A distant memory,
Remembering the wounds that cannot heal,
I cannot hear the words,
or feel the way you wanted me to be ;
A distant memory,
Remembering the wounds that cannot heal;
I put the pains of life behind,
To seek this distant memory.

Now you've come back,
The pain attacks,
The thing i lack,
Won't you come back

To me, you'll see
I've broken free
My hidden glee
And wounds to be,

A distant memory,
Remembering the wounds that cannot heal,
I cannot hear the words,
or feel the way you wanted me to be ;
A distant memory,
Remembering the wounds that cannot heal;
I put the pains of life behind,
To seek this distant memory.

"remembering the memories of you.....
of a distant memory...."

nose bleed

2007-01-02T00:42:00.000+08:00

What caused the nose to bleed......
seriously.....
i don't really know.....
does it scares me?.....
well, i don't think so .....

hmm....
2 months....since it started bleeding very badly....
Usually, it seldom bleed.
But recently, it bleed like a running tap water
It bleeds without any signs or warning...
Yes i've started counting....
14 scary times that it had bleed.
One or maybe two boxes of tissues always comes in handy...

Talking about nose bleed.....
It reminded me of "someone" way back during secondary school....
All i can say...that "someone" was one of the special person in my life...
She too had the same problem as me.
Frequently...her nose will bleed....
And as the usual naughty me...i used to call her names like "bloody nose girl" and stuff.
Yes i know...i was bad.
I swear i was just teasing.
I thought that due to heaty stuff it caused her nose to bleed.
.....
........
...........
Unfortunately...only after she was gone....
i was told that all these while she was sick....
She seemed to be so healthy and cheerful when she was alive.
Sometimes sickness doesn't really shows.
Well life is unpredictable.

So...What's causing my nose to bleed??

Some said, it was due to heaty stuff i ate....
Some said, it was due to the hatred by someone that they took
revenge on me by putting evil spells or curse on me....
Some said, i may be suffering from some sickness.....
Well...the reasons above seems possible.
But..I've yet to know the truth....
and i rather not know the truth....
Whether my life is going to be cut short or not, suffering or not....
that i have to let fate decide...

For me, death isn't something to be scred off...
because eventually, you still have to go.
Like what i always tell myself and the others..
"When you've got to go....You've got to go"

As for the bleeding....i'll get to know the cause of it sooner or later.

*For all those who cared: Don't worry...i'll do whatever that is right and best for me*

...Happy New Year and Best Wishes to all...and Happy "bloody" New Year to me...

hmmm...

2006-12-29T16:24:00.000+08:00

well........
..
..
.....
Its not that i don't want to....
..
..
....
i really want to....
..
..
.....
but...
..
..
.....
Its just that.....
..
..
.....
I dun dare....
..
..
.....
i cant make myself to do it....
..
..
.....
i......
am......
really.....
really.....
afraid.....
..
..
......
im sorry.
..
..
.....

...............i wonder..................
*are you still the *koala* that still wants to hug this tree?
or....
are you already hugging another tree*

hmm....\nvrm....
it doesnt matter....

*I.M.U*
...Tk Gd Care...

i tried.. did u?

2006-12-26T13:13:00.000+08:00

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

thats really what hurts the most.
i tired. did you?

sorry...IMU......alot

2006-12-26T12:51:00.000+08:00

Seems like just yesterday, you were a part of me
I used to stand so tall, I used to be so strong
Your arms around me tight, everything it felt so right
Unbreakable, like nothing could go wrong

Now I can't breathe, no I can't sleep
I'm barely hanging on

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces, can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these dry eyes

I told you everything, opened up and let you in
You made me feel alright, for once in my life
Now all that's left of me is what I pretend to be
So "happy" , but so broken up inside

Cause I can't breathe, no I can't sleep
I'm barely hanging on

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces, can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these dry eyes

Swallow me, then spit me out
For hating you, I blame myself
Seeing you, it kills me now
No, I don't want to cry on the outside anymore
Anymore

(I'm sorry to say...IMU..alot....)

one week past...

2006-12-18T14:18:00.000+08:00

Its been a week now since everything ended..
And still, i cant believe that things have to end.
Yes i know i have to move on....
Its the time that i need in order to move on...
And i know it will certainly take a very long time before i can ever pick myself up again.
Spending time with friends is the only option that i have just to keep myself busy with
and not to think about it.
Getting busy with work and crapping and get crazy with friends during the day...
and by night....its the tears that i'm left with...
and the cycle goes on....

Sometimes i do wonder... if you ever still care about me?
But somtimes i don't even dare to think about it.
At times i do wish to talk or even see you...
But...i'm sorry... i just cant make myself to do it...
Just the thought of facing you, i'm became so afraid.
Im sorry cuz i'm no longer a brave person.
I'm sorry cuz i no longer have the confidence.
I'm no longer what i am and how i used to be.
But whatever it is....
since the day it ended...i want you to know that...
i've already forgiven you.
i have nothing against you...
i'm never angry with you...

Hope i'm forgiven too...

As for now, only time will be able to tell what's next...

"I'll make a wish for you
And hope it will come true
If life will just be kind
To such a gentle mind
And If you lose your way
Think back on yesterday
Remember me this way
Remember me this way"

Diary of a broken heart

2006-12-18T13:53:00.000+08:00

Diary Of The Broken - (10/8 - 10/12)

We were just friends at the start,
Always having fun, never apart
Then one day, something sparked
The next thing I knew, you had my heart.

The days flew by,
I lost track of time
Everytime I was with you,
I was on cloud nine.

Then one day, you wondered if we were more than just friends
I exclaimed, yes! and prayed we'd last until the very end.
No one could look into my eyes and say I wasn't happy,
Happy that I was with you, and you were with me.

With you in my arms, you told me you loved me,
Then gently kissed my forehead and gave me a squeeze.
I was convinced you were the one for me,
Apart from you, I would never be.

Just when I thought all was well,
Things changed and i experienced hell.
How you reacted shows that we should only be friends
That's when I knew it was the end.

I looked into your eyes, trying to find out why,
It was all I could do, not to begin to cry.
Where I once saw love, I saw nothing,
I couldn't believe you no longer felt something.

I lay in bed, counting my tears,
Each representing what I'd hoped would be years.
Years of happiness, for us to be together,
A long-lived life, forever and ever.

But in my heart, I know this will never be,
For in yours, no longer is there a place for me.
I gave you my all; I gave you my heart,
Little did I know that its now shattered apart.

Everyday I place a smile on my face,
As for tears, there is not a trace.
I just don't want to believe, but yet it's true,
And even though you no longer do,
As for me, i still love you.

plain life

2006-12-13T16:58:00.000+08:00

Because love to me was first
I was betrayed and hately rewarded first

Because I cared to make few friends
I have lost count of my enemies

Because I feared to harm a fly
I was harmed much severely

Because I gave my food in all
I now boast and strut with beggars

Because I was loyal like a dog
Now I have no confidant

Because I took the truth to heart
I swallowed in all her truthful lies

How wicked it is to be good
And good to be wicked

This betrayal I can't repay
But yet I can't retain.

2006-12-11T10:00:00.000+08:00

Snow Patrol - Run

I'll sing it one last time for you
Then we really have to go
You've been the only thing that's right
In all I've done

And I can barely look at you
But every single time I do
I know we'll make it any where
Away from here

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you can not hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear

Louder, Louder
And we'll run for our lives
I can hardly speak I understand
Why you can't raise your voice to say

To think i might not see those eyes
Makes it so hard not to cry
And as we say our long goodbyes
I nearly do

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you can not hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear

Louder, Louder
And we'll run for our lives
I can hardly speak I understand
Why you can't raise your voice to say

Slower, slower
We don't have time for that
All I want's to find an easier way
To get out of our little heads

Have heart, my dear
We're bound to be afraid
Even if its just for a few days
Making up for all this mess

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you can not hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear

re edited

2006-12-11T09:30:00.000+08:00

#The Re-edited from somewhere#

I feel

it's been a bad day, the yesterdays, today and in the days to come

Because of the morning, and then in the evening. Well, not really evening but night.

But nonetheless, something's gone wrong - and i blame all the things that we could've, but didn't.

Then i look back, and i don't mean to blame you, but of course i blame myself as well.

Then when i finally found the silence i started to listen. To everything i said.

That's the bad part about being me.

I hear the echoes - not the actions.

Now i'm listening to the echoes from just moments ago, and i realize - that what i said wasn't fair, at all.

Well, we all know how i lack in the sense that i really suck at making up for such mistakes.

I guess i've failed

And now as i listen and i know, that i really did.

It's quite a mess.

I guess i was just really angry because i felt that you weren't doing me any justice, by hiding, by..... avoiding, for fear that you would be shattering more than just dreams.

But i guess.

There's only so much wishful thinking can do.

But.....

There's nothing much i can do now...

I've done everything i could....

done the best i could....

gave everything i had....

and still....

i failed....Guess i'm to be blame for all....

Everything that i did....

was always too late...

and was never right...

It's the decision that you've made...

and all that i'm left is nothing but to respect it.

But do remember....my heart is still open....

And as i leave...I need you to know that i love you,
but sadly
i guess things have got to change.

Study hard
and
Take Good Care...

Till we ever meet again

I'll aways be there...

Why are you running away?

2006-11-22T12:35:00.000+08:00

I don't want you
To give it all up
And leave your own life collecting dust
And I don't want you to feel sorry for me
You never gave us a chance to be

And I don't need you
To be by my side
To tell me that everything's alright
I just wanted you
To tell me the truth
You know I'd do that for you

So why are you running away?
Why are you running away?

I did enough
To show you that I
Was willing to give and sacrifice
And I was the one who was lifting you up
When you thought your life had, had enough
And when I get close
You turn away
There's nothing that I can do or say
So now I need you
To tell me the truth
You know I'd do that for you

So why are you running away?
Why are you running away?

Is it me? Is it you?
Nothing that
I can do
To make you change your mind.....

(why you)
Is it me? Is it you?
Nothing that
I can do
Is it a waste of time?

Is it me? Is it you?
Nothing that
I can do
To make you change your mind

So why are you running away?
Why are you running away?
(What is it I have to say?)
So why are you running away?
(To make you admit you're afraid)
Why are you running away?

lost feelings..

2006-11-21T10:57:00.000+08:00

I hear the songs running back and forth through
my mind, distance noises enclose me. Im trying to
hold all my emotions inside, Im trying to resist.
Im trying to hold back from deaths sweet kiss.
Theres people who care but Im broken inside
and nobody knows. Theres no place to go and no
place to hide. Im falling to pieces but I dont want
to talk about it.
Ive made up my mind... Im still in love with you. I
need you back I'd do anything that you asked.
Theres a space that needs to be filled with one
of the two, either death or you.. I wish I could
see you again I wish I could hear you tell me you
care.
But instead in the twisted reality my heart
was taken and shredded every bit broken and
torn. You dont know how it feels...Im living a lie I dont feel together without you. You were everything
to me, you were everything that i knew.... you
were everything I cared for....
If only you knew what it was like to love one moment and want to die the next day. If
only you knew the problems, if only you knew
how it feels to be left behind with no one
to turn to.
Theres only my dreams, other than that Im
losing my mind and constantly drying my eyes.
If only I could run away and be forgotten by
everyone else. If only I could just pass away.
If only I lost all memories and know that you
used to be there and pretend that you cared
and it seems that every little thing you did took
a big part of me.

PS: (Thnx to XL for helping me change my blogskin and the tag board. I owe you Prata..)

My Curse and The Repeat of The History.

2006-11-19T13:30:00.000+08:00

November...the cursed month for me...yet another hurtful incident had happened to my life...I may turned 21 yrs old on the 14th... bt the mood was all dwn for me to even celebrate it. It's ok cuz i've expected this to happen every year. Spent half of that day at Prata Hse wif Suban...Im glad to have him ard that day eventhough he was facing problems himself. Was surprised to see Kristy to appear suddenly infront of me juz to wish me. Thanx alot.. And to Xueli and her fren Fizah, it was nice for u gals to drop by for a short while and to pass me the present. Thanx to my bro Colin too. Thanx for the Levi's Jeans. Thanx to all for the wishes u gave.

No big celebrations for my 21st bt instead a quiet nite alone at hm after prata.

Its been awhile since u've talked to me...Things changed alot between us alot and it happened so suddenly. Im feeling really lost w/o u ard me... For the two mths plus that we spent together, i nvr expect this to happen. i really dunnoe y u have to be so cold towards me. hmm...i juz dunnoe.. im lost...

"i dare not say what i have seen.
it may be true, or not have been.
your life to live is but yours.
but do remember effect and cause.
clearly, eyes closed, you can see,
what is meant to mean will never be."

Waiting Patiently

2006-05-25T10:24:00.000+08:00

"So i pray until that day".....

"When our hearts will beat as one"....

"I will wait so patiently".....

"For that day to come".....

"I know someday that you'll be by my side".....

"Coz i know GOD's just waiting till the time is right".....

*the shyness of you and me*
*simply cute*
*still waiting*

...the comeback...

2006-03-19T19:30:00.000+08:00

OMG OMG!!!!!!

Guess who's back...
Back again.....
Muqsit's back....
Tell your friend!!!!!

Haha.. *bleah*

yeah... after about 5 months....i've decided to make a comeback to the blogging world. In fact, there's more than a reason that made me wanna blog again....Maybe it's because i'm having my hols and i've gt nth better to do.....another reason being that i've gt a strong urge and huge demand by people who read my blog, for me to make a comeback and start blogging...for example..Ms YS!!. hehe (see..i told you i'll blog soon!!) *bleah* ....hmm... sometimes i wonder..what's so good about reading my blog??.... hmm...bt whatever it is ....i'll always apreaciate the loyal readers of my blogs and also the feedbacks, advises and the motivation given to me about my posts.....=) But... to all the readers.....i can' gaurantee a frequent updates of my blog...cuz i dun really have the habbit of blogging like i once used to have....but hope you'll keep reading and enjoy...=P

okok....enough about my comeback and let's move on to my life....hmm.... Well...i've been living a normal life lately, filled with my normal ups and downs of life...School has officially end for most of my classmates and yes it means...they've graduated...bt not for me.... i've still have a semester to go and i'm gonna be doin my TEP... Actually, it's kinda sad to see my classmates leaving me. Yes, i do admit the i don't used to really like most of them, but after the official last day of school, i actually realise that they are one bunch of fun loving and intersting people...i've learnt to appreciate all the time spent together as a class...oh well...i know it's abit too late to start liking and enjoying their company....But whatever it is.... they were once my classmates and will always be my wonderful friends..We've actually spent quality times together with fun filled activities after the last day of school.... For example, we had our class chalet, a few times of bowling sessions, K-boxing sessions, cycling at east coast.. and of course lastly the first ever clubbing session at MOS together as a class!!. Can u imagine...all these activities and enjoyments together within the last few weeks. That's when i felt the closeness and the strong bonds of the class. ...sigh... now that poly life is over for them, i seriously gonna miss them alot...i don't even know if i will ever see them around again...=(

Saying goodbye to my classmates also means that i also have to say goodbye to "her".... hmm....It has been almost 3 years now since i 1st got to know her.....and oh my... how time actually past soo quickly...and it's time to say goodbye to her..sigh...=( All the times spent together will always stay as wonderful memories to me. If "you" are reading this, i would really like to thank you for all those wonderful memories of us...and also i would like to apologise for all the coldness and ignorance that i've shown towards you at times. I do have my reasons for behaving that way and hope you don't have the perception of me hating you. To be truthful, i've never ever hated you. Never once in my life. hmm...and frankly speaking, you've always been in my heart and mind....eventhough i know u are attched. Well i guess there's no harm in letting out my feelings right now. Anywae it's kinda obvious and it seems many people knows about it already. hmm....so, before i end my post... i would like to wish 'her' all the best in the working life as well as her love life too....to all my wonderful classmates too...ALL THE BEST!!!

=Graduation Goodbyes=

While I'm standing here in school
I feel a rush or fear
I look around at my friends
Only to find tears.

Its finally over and I'm scared.
Afraid of the future and change
We now have to grow up now
No more fun and games..

Maybe Im exaggerating, I know I am
But I can't leave everyone I once knew
I can't forget all their warm smiles
I'm wondering how will I get through?

Its one of the hardest things I'll do,
To see them get up onto the stage
And respresent my graduating class
And learning to walk away.

As they shake everyone's hands.
I feel myself floating away
Thinking about all the past times
And Each wonderful day.

Friendships will be tested
Friends are moving on
Sure we all want to be together
But can we really last that long?

I remember waiting for the day,
I can finally leave this school
And leave behind these halls and classes
Where I was considered cool.

So what can I say now?
I've had a change of heart
I realized I love this school and my wonderful friends
But unfortunately its time for a new start

And sure its just Poly life
But how can you forget 3 years?
These people I've known forever
And now its time to face our fears.

My fear is that no one will remember
And cherish these last days
They'll put behind the memories
And forget right away

With tears in my eyes
I finally address my class
I tell them" Don't forget theses days!
Cause you know you had a blast!"

Thanx soo much for the memories...
You'll definetely and always be missed....
Tk care and all the best...

2005-10-03T21:13:00.000+08:00

=GOODBYE AND FAREWELL FOR NOW=

I've found other priorities, and having to update is getting to be a chore,
especially when everything just remains so stale and stagnant.

This is INDEFINITE.

THANK YOU for the words,
the memories,
and the thoughts.

THANK YOU for reading.

....I WILL WRITE AGAIN....
....SOMEDAY....
....TILL THEN....
....GOODBYE....

- MUQ. 9.15pm, 3/10/2005.-

2005-10-02T00:34:00.000+08:00

Because love to me was first
I was hately rewarded first
Because I cared to make few friends
I have lost count of my enemies
Because I feared to harm a fly
I was harmed much severely
Because I gave my food in all
I now boast and strut with beggars
Because I was loyal like a dog
Now I have no confidant
Because I took the truth to heart
I swallowed in all their truthful lies
How wicked it is to be good
And good to be wicked
This betrayal I can't repay
But yet I can't retain.

2005-09-28T00:48:00.000+08:00

2005-09-20T22:31:00.000+08:00

My Life today....sigh...just mixed feelings of
upset,
depression,
sadness,
confusion
lost...
and a touch of jealousy
....sigh....

Nana...i guess what you wrote in your blog is true...
somehow i just feel that we're just.....
unwanted...
unnoticed.....
uninvited....
forgotten....
rejected
in our lives.

hmm... well it's "her" birthday today...
Hope she had fun celebrating with the rest...
with our classmates
except...me...
sigh...
Even Colin got to celebrate her birthday today....
without....me...
I cant expect anything, can i?
Somehow i felt that, to them...
i'm always an outsider..
just because i'm an "online" student
therefore i'm useless
and i dun deserve to be in their cliques
or maybe because i'm just one proud and stuck up person.
and they dislike me
hmm... i wonder if what i've said is true...

Well i guess that's how life goes..
i just have to accept that fact
i'll just live in my own world..
feeling rejected, unwanted...etc...
life has to go on...
no matter what...

To "her"....
Happy 19th Birthday...hope you enjoy your day with everybody you spent with.
Hope all your wishes come through
Hope you'll always be happy with him....
Take care....
Goodbye...

Goodnight people....

2005-09-18T22:53:00.000+08:00

DELUSIVE DETACHMENT
(A Simple Solitary Life)

It is done.
It is over.

Now I have time to
catch up on some reading
and watch the most recent
movies on dvd.

And I'll be able to
spend more time
with the friends I've not seen
as often as I used to.

And I'm free to write
or take a nap
or play the stereo
whenever I choose.

I don't want to waste my time
writing long e-mails at night
or waiting for the phone to ring
or going to the walking path or
that certain spot at the forest park.

But sometimes I'll hear a certain song
or see something that reminds me
that memories are not easily forgotten,
and the price of the emotion they bring,
some thoughts are hard to vanish from the mind,
and the heart sometimes never lets go.

There is a tiny trace of release, of relief
but it is overpowered by the
overwhelming ache of a broken heart
as I'm adding yet another brick
to the internal wall.

I try to push away the constant thoughts,
the wanting, the need, the love,
replace it with numb calmness
and dead oblivion.

It is haunting standing here
in the eye of the storm,
and I know these emotions
aren't through with me yet.

The world seems a little more
distant today.Everything is different
and hard and empty.

It is done.
It is over.

Goodnight!!!!

2005-09-17T22:06:00.000+08:00

Well well well......The "deadly' cough strikes back again!! damn.. i'm like suffering from the "deadly" cough again lah...what a shitty feeling....Every minute of my life for the past few days, i've been like producing a non-stop hits of "cough music" ....cannot help it lah... i'm just one weak person. Maybe because i have not been taking my medication. haha.*bleah* okok... i'll go take it soon.... hehehe....Now..about my exam results....one word...."Sucks"....Basically i passed everything except the mutha fuckin Contact Centre Mgt...WTH lah...studied so hard....but still fail. Sigh....Gotta buck up and work hard for my supp paper man....I need to pass it...if not....a bye bye to my early graduation. hmm....well back to the things i did... again.....Let me take you back to.........just yesterday......hehe...

=Friday=

Hmm... started the day by going to Kristy's with Ah Ban and Joyce to slack as we got nothing better to do... hmm... There, Joyce studied with Kristy by her side to guide her along...while me and Ah Ban did some channel browsing with Kristy's cable TV. We had Pizza for lunch too.Oh ya..Kyrie joined us at around 4pm++i think..hehhe....At around 6pm++me and the rest headed down to town and met AH POA THE BASTARD KING!!! haha jkjk...while Joyce went back to get herself all dressed up for clubbing. Had dinner at BK....after which they all headed to PS while i made my way to Orchard MRT station where i'm supposed to meet Nana.(supposedly to be each others companion for the night) At around 9.20pm++ Nana arrived with her big Puma sling bag... what a funny but cute sight though... we then rushed off for Zouk/Phuture.

Fortunately, me and Nana managed to reach Zouk/Phuture just before 10pm. I got my entrance fee paid at $15 and got my had stamped. After which met Veron and Wennie and their clubbing cliques. Also, we met Benson and Willyn (my apologies for spelling errors of names). Apparently, it was Benson's birthday. hmm...After chilling for awhile inside Zouk/Phuture, me and Nana felt abit bored and headed to the dance floor and started dancing.It was awkward at first but we got the hang of it eventually. Though it was Zouk's/Phuture's last R&B night, the music was like damn sucky lah....the music only got better towards the end with some familiar beats and tunes. Halfway through the dancing and chilling, i accompanied Nana to meet her friend to collect some stuff. She's like one lucky girl lah..always like receiving nice stuffs from friends. Then, we went back to dance again. Me and Nana were like sticking to each other the whole night having fun dancing, scanning cute guys and girls and teasing each other....Halfway through the dance again, we decided to slack outside Zouk to get some fresh air. We took a slow stroll to the nearest petrol kiosk to get ourselves drinks and some chocs. We sat at a curb beside the petrol kiosk and started enjoying our ever fresh drinks and chocs. While enjoying, we started sharing about our "histories" of each others life, exchanging views and advices about past relationships. As i got to know more, i actually felt sad for Nana on how she's trying so hard to move on in life...Somtimes i just cant bear to see friends suffering, be it physically, mentally or emotionally. (I just hope she would get over it soon and see her happy again.) Anyway, in the midst of enjoying our drinks, chocs and the interesting stories, its started to rain. So we made our way back to Zouk and also mainly because Veron was going off and wanted to collect her stuff. It was like raining damn heavily lah...and we got drenched. After everything was settled, headed back to Zouk/Phuture....It was damn packed lah... Can't even go in...so me and Nana decided to stay at the entrance. We stared at people around us and made fun of other people's dance moves and stuff. Its like so funny la... haha... Oh ya...before i forget, Kristy and Joyce were there too...I felt kinda bad not accompanying them and not having fun with them.. My deepest apologies girls...anyway hope the had fun though..hmm....anyway, me and Nana eventually managed to squeeze through the crowds and to the dance floor again. Shortly after, Wennie joined us. Danced till about 4am, after which me, Nana, Wennie and her friends gathered outside and planned where to go next. Knowing that Nana stays near Jalan Kayu, me and Nana made a decision in going Jalan Kayu for breakfast and surprisingly everyone agreed to it. Kinda had fun with the rest there when we stared telling lame jokes and teasing one another though we were like dead tired. After breakfast, the rest headed back home while me and Nana waited the the nearest bus-stop for the 1st bus to Sengkang. While waiting, i was being entertained by Nana's MP3 player. Thanx Girll!! Thats when i realised she likes rock songs...Rock On Girl!!!! haha...At 6.30am++ the bus came and we took the bus. Nana alighted the bus halfway through the journey and headed back home while i sat all the way to the interchange. Topped up my EZ link and took 163 back home... Damn i swear it was a long journey back home. At about 7.35am....and finally....home sweet home....hehe...well i shall stop here for now. Shall be back soon to bring you the next episode of "MuQ's Life"..haha.. Till then..MuQ signing out...

(Nana:.Hey..had lots of fun accompanying you and stuff and thanx for accompanying me and everything... Tk care alrite!!! see ya on msn..Stay happy..)
(Kristy and Joyce: My deepest apologies again for not being there to have fun with you girls. So Sorry. Didn't mean to abandon you all.)
(Benson: Happy Birthday!!!!!)

2005-09-13T18:49:00.000+08:00

Hey hey... Life had been busy for the past four days. I've been busy hanging out and partying with friends etc...I was like having lots of fun lah.... hmm.... okok... let take u to a journey back to the past four days of my life........(WARNING!! This gonna be a LONG ENTRY!!!! PLs Do Not Fall Asleep!!!)

...FRIDAY...

This day....hmm.... let me see.....*thinks hard*....oh ya..i went clubbing at Black with Jinsiong and Geoff together with his TEP friends. That also includes the people i know like....Joanne and Gilda (my deepest apology if the names were spelt wrongly)....oh ya...yeah... Before clubbing, i met the Bastard Inc memebers to hang out and chill at Orchard. It's so nice of them to accompany me while i waited for jinsiong before he made his presence. hehe... When Jinsiong arrived, Bastard Inc memebers left for home while i went partying the whole night!! hahah....okok... went in to Black at about 10.30pm...OMG!!! Cant believed our eyes when we went in. It's was packed at the dance floor already lah... Packed with geeky students from Nus and bag packs were like lying around everywhere..EVEN ON THE DANCE PODIUM!! gosh.... Apparently they had some bash goin on or something...hmm...So, me, jinsiong and the rest chilled at the bar and ordered drinks...as for me, i only drank ICE PLAIN WATER...yeah..(for your info, i dont touch alcoholic drinks.) hehe... we chilled till about 11pm ++...thats when the REAL music began to start! Jinsiong and I made the first move by going down to the dance floor...then the rest joined the fun!! From the the dance floor ,me, JInsiong, Joanne and Gilda keep dancing and eventually made our way to the middle podium. yeah!! its only the four of us dancing at the podium. After that, we made our way to the second floor of Black as the girls wanna go to the ladies. Me Jinsiong and Geoff chilled at the bar.....and guess who we saw??? hehe.. yeah saw HER!!! okok saw "SAM", Nic and Mel chilling at the bar too...At that moment, i suddenly beccame SO SHY!!! I kept exchanging smiles with "her" while the rest chatted. Damn i was like melting lah when i saw "her" smile!! OMG and that stupid Jinsiong wont stop teasing me just because "she" was there.. !!! okok...enough of that shit...After the girls came out from the Ladies, we headed back down to the dancefloor. We danced and danced and saw "her" again at the members section. And from nowhere.."she" appeared again but now with "him"...sigh... at that moment, my mood was abit down..but that doesnt stop me from havin fun! At aroun 2am++, Jinsiong and his TEP friends went home as they had soccer match the next morning. So...im left alone with with Joanne and Gilda. Two girls and one guy...HEHEH!!!! haha Me and Joanne then started dancing at the side podium near the members section. There, i got a clearer view of "her"!!! damn i swear she's so cute lah.....As usual, we danced and chilled till about 3.30am++ when Gilda left for home with her friend. Jaonne and me then decided to chill at the bar again while we watched sm guys doing their crip-walk moves. Joanne tried doin it bt she juz cant get the steps right. Its was a funny sight though. So i taught her abit of the crip-walking thingy....haha..then we chilled till Joanne's friend, who is a bartender there, ended his wk..then headed down to Mac. Drank ice-tea while they eat. After that waited for the 1st bus and headed hm...

...SATURDAY...

OkOk... reached hm from clubbing at about 6.45am++. Mum was awake already doin housework. I had breakfast then went to sleep. Slept till about 11.30am++ and gt ready to go to Ah ban's house for filming. Cant belive it! Had only about 3.5hrs of sleep and im still energetic. hmm.. Reached Ah ban's house at about 3.15pm++ but before that met the crew at causeway point. At Ah ban's house, we did some filming and had some B'dae celebration for Ah pao!!! haha...Damn he's one lucky bastard. He also gt an "X-LARGE" Tee as a preziee from Ah ban, Kristy and me lah!! (Hey Ah pao!! I want an Obey Tee on my B'dae ya!!)..heheh...After all that celebration...we went to Causeway Point again for dinner...and headed back home...

...SUNDAY...

HAPPY B"DAY AH PAO!!!!!!!! haha.... alright pple!!...it was Ah pao's B'dae,heheh.. and the Bastard Inc decided to to hang out and play pool. so...played pool we did and it ended up as a fair result...haha....had fun crapping and playing and at about 5pm, Ah pao had to join his family for dinner while me and Ah ban headed back home.... When i reached home, i felt kinda tired, so i thought of getting a super early gdnight slp after dinner. So at ard 8pm++ i fell aslp!!!! And Guess what?? at 11.30pm++ i was awakened by 1 received message alert on my Hp. ALL THANX TO THAT BASTARD AH BAN who msged me to ask about my plans for the next day!!! haha...And so...at that moment of time, i suddenly became so wide awake..sigh! heehe Well...went down to the living room to see if there's any nice show to watch...So did sm channel browsing. So i ended up watching WWE Summer Slam. damn i missed watching wrestling. haha,...To my suprise, my parents joined me in watching the show. Its been so long since i watched wrestling with the whole family. missed those days. We then started bringing up about the memories and the old times we had and stuff. hmm... halfway through the show, my parents went to bed while i watched it till the end after which i went to bed at about 4.45am++.....

...MONDAY...

Thanx to AH BAN again, i got awakened by the vibrations of my Hp. Ah ban called me and told me his plans. So i agreed and went back to sleep again. At about 1pm++ i got up from bed, bathed and got ready for a day of another outings with the Bastard Inc. Initially met Ah ban and Sofyan in town....walked around as Sofyan was trying find a lat min preziee for Ah pao...bt then changed his plans and decided to give us a dinner treat.hehe... so nice of him. OH YA!!!! SAW "HER" too at Heeren. "She" was working. Managed to say 'Hi' to "her" and exchanged smiles.(I WANNA HAVE A LUNCH DATE WITH HER!!!!) heheh...And as usual, Ah ban and Sofyan couldnt stop teasing me. haha... At around 6pm++ Ah pao joined us and had dinner at Sakura. YUM YUM!!! Afterwhich, we toured around orchard again and slacked at Taka's Coffee Bean. OMG!!! While slacking, Sofyan actually embarrassed us when he broke a glass. haha....at that moment, we just cant stop laughing!! haha... Had soo much fun!!!.....then at around 9pm++ we headed back home...

...TUESDAY...

Well, here i am now, typing on my laptop about the things i've done for the past four days... really had a great time spending time with the Bastard Inc and the rest. hmm... About today, i did nothing but stayed at home.Trying to be a good boy for today. hehe... well thats all i have to say i guess...till then....MUQ signing out!!

Life's a Bliss

2005-09-08T21:02:00.000+08:00

As I approach the day, I wonder what's next
Something new everyday, another problem to add to my shelf
How wonderful the day appears, but yet how dreadful the day shall disappear
One day to the next, one problem resulting in another
Where do these problems evolve from, smoldering in my body as I die
Die from what, I've yet confirmed as only I wonder

As I wait for that day, I shall wait alone
Alone without any sympathy from the rest, the rest of which will live on
Until that day comes, I shall not faint relieving myself of my duties

My life will go as it should, shamefully I shall continue
Waiting for that day, the day for myself to depart
But I ask myself depart from what, just this earth shall be it
My soul will rein throughout, throughout the hearts or many
At least I hope, nothing can be contained, not even my hope
But the hope I flourish shames me no fear, for I am ready to elapse for good

Hmm... well here are some pics taken at SP during the shooting. All thanks to Ah Ban's camera phone...

Fuck the whole world

2005-09-01T22:11:00.000+08:00

I'm not in the best of mood rite now...and ...i... am really, really just so FUCKING SICK of playing this game of life. I live in my own world and by my own rules....so.. FUCK THE WHOLE DAMN WORLD!!!!! Damn.....

Goodnight.!!

in loving memory of steph

2005-08-31T23:55:00.000+08:00

Hey pple.. back again...As usual, living in the suffering of my cough, but it seemed to get lesser each day. Though i've been coughing lately, i still didnt missed the chance of having my Gelare.. haha.. yup had Gelare on Mon with Suban and Kristy. Too bad Colin couldnt join us as he gt IPP. Dun worry Ariel and friends, as promised, i will go Gelare with all of you girls soon...maybe next week perhaps.....and i'll make sure Colin join us ya!! haha.
As for today, i went back to NYP with Suban to get sm things done for the SBM club. Just as i was reaching school, i realised how much i missed school. haha...I missed the atmosphere of the noisy students at Mac canteen. Anyway, met Kristy in school after everything was settled. then headed to Pacific Plaza...wanted to look for nice sweater cuz THE NIKE SWEATER THAT I WANTED WAS SOLD OUT!!!! Damn!! hmm...Abit sad lah...but i believe there will be nicer sweaters being sold somewhere out there..hehe...We then met Mr Colin and Marc and had dinner with them at Swensens. Yum Yum... But dont worry pple, i didnt EAT ICE CREAM!!!! (see, im a good boy *bleah*) though its so tempting. *drools* sigh..haha..
After the delicious dinner, the guys headed down to Esplanade while Kristy met up with her cliques. hmm... Well thats all for today.
Oh ya, did i mentioned that i saw... eh.,... erm.....Sam at Heeren on Mon. She was working at Mambo. sigh..She so cute lah....Havent seen her for a quite some time. Too bad for me she gt...."him"...sigh...Sometimes im juz to shy to talk to her...hmm..Wondering if she would wanna have lunch with me next week during her lunch break?? HMM..*in deep thoughts*.....I hope she will.. hehe..

Well, cant end my blog without a poem i guess..hmm... and this one is specially dedicated to a girl whom i fell in love with during my secondary school days. As usual, nothing in my life can ever end with a happy ending... never once.. and never will be. sigh... In 2003, just as i was planning to give her a suprise visit in Indonesia, i was put into a shocked and very sad state as she suddenly left me and the world forever . yes, she passed away....sigh...alright, thinking about all this is puting me into tears right now..=(...sigh... After all that had happened,i believe that GOD had his reasons for taking her away and i guess GOD loves her more than i do...

Dear Steph, wherever you are right now, i want you to know that you'll always be in my heart and you'll always be missed. Hopefully smday, i'll join you, hand in hand and in happiness in Heaven. Rest In Peace.

Stephanie, this poem is specially for you...here goes..

I blew a kiss to the heavens
did you receive it?
I saw your face in the sky
so I screamed a final goodbye
did you hear it?
I wiped my tears upon a letter you gave me
did you feel it?
I sent all the love and memories
did you receive it?
I have of you to my heart
and locked them there
then threw away the key
I stopped the tears
and smiled for you
as I remembered the joy we shared
and all the love you gave
I talk to you in my dreams
are you really there?
you looked so happy and at peace
as you waved your final goodbye
and your eyes told me that
you will always care
you'll always be by my side
I performed your favourite song
did you join in?
now that you are gone
I will carry you everywhere
in my heart and in my soul
when things go wrong
I'll look to the clouds above
I'll see your beautiful face
it gives me the strength to carry on
it sends hope, promise and love
that was the same love you gave to everyone
and always with a smile
instead of a cry
as you wave your
final goodbye....

God I miss ya Stephanie
my best friend, loved one and now my angel
In Loving Memory : Stephanie Indrayanie (1985-2003)

new skin!

2005-08-30T01:48:00.000+08:00

Hey pple!!! Im back!! yeah with a brand new blogskin and song!! haha...
All thanx to Marc and Kristy! Thanx Alot ya!!! hehe...i noe it's abit plain..
well i like it that way i guess...haha

okok back to my life (so called the happy side of my life)...hmm...all i can say is that, it had been a very sick
week for me..I was having fever, sore throat, cough, flu...etc..
All the common sickness, u name them..I had them....hmm
As for now, im recovering from all the sickness in a slow and
steady pace.. haha..can't to recover and start eating all the junk foods!!
Yum Yum...Esp GELARE!!! ok it's tempting me now... hehe...

hmm....Another problem that i'm facing for the past few days and even now
is that I'M SUPER BROKE!!! I REALLY NEED A JOB!!...I want to get the Nike Sweater!!!!
haha...No money= No nice food, No shopping(Xlarge, Obey and Stussy T-shirts) ,
No clubbing(oops..i mean enjoyment) :x heheh
Etc.....Damn!! I NEED MONEY!!! Due to the money problems i faced, i had to reject all
the outings planned by my friends... sigh... sorry pple.... wait till nxt mth and i'll be rich again!!
haha...till then...i'll just rot at home... haha *bleah*

Well back to the "Sad" side of my life...sigh.....everything is just still the same..
Once im alone at hm...sadness, lonliness and misery just automatically enters my
life.. sigh...It just make me think about the past and it really puts me in tears...
Yes i admit that i'm weak..bt...it's just too difficult for me...im so tired of my life and
everything..
A few days back, i had a dream of the past... yes i dreamt of "her"...
Like what i wrote as my MSN nick,... Saw You...We Smiled...You Left...
sigh...yes that what happened in the dream...to see her leaving really really
hurts me soo much that i was suprised to see tears from my eyes just when i woke
up from my dream...Did i really cried in my dream?? hmm... sigh..
Sometimes i do have friends around who just broke up and had the similar situation
as me...and i was there to give them advice and help them solve their probs... bt why cant
those advice i provide for them work on me?? sigh... frankly speaking,...i really dont know what to do.
Maybe i'm just fated to suffer throughout my whole life until i drop dead...well only GOD knows
Anywae that's what all i have to say for now..

Till then...Muq signing out
(To Miss Nana: sorry that i deleted ur fav song frm my blog... heheh...anywae this current song is nice too)
(To Marc and Kristy: Thanx again for helping me change my blogskin and song!! appreciate it alot!!)

"Missing You"

i've been living my alone
trying to get you out of my life
but after all this time
i can't help myself but miss you

you're once a dream that came true
an illusion that turned to reality
but suddenly, things turned differently
the way they used to be
untill such time i have no choice but to let you go

you're the reason for my sleepless nights
coz you keep stayin' on my mind
i can't help myself from crying
coz i'm missing you so much

all the pain & sadness are bound inside my heart
all the memories are still preserve in my mind
i miss you so much
coz i can't hide the fact that i'm still in love with you

my life will never be the same again
now that you're gone
i'll be trapped in this loneliness forever
unless a girl like you will bloom into my life again....

Alone

2005-08-24T21:43:00.000+08:00

ALONE

Alone
One Word
That means so little
Yet hurts so much

Alone is a hurt
A hurt that goes beyond
Physical pain
A hurt inside

Inside
Involves a mind
Involves a hurt
Involves a life

A life
With emotions
With Feelings
A human life

Loneliness
Causes fear
Depression
And sadness

Loneliness
Is the feeling
That nobody
Gives a care

A care about the person
Inside
Who has a life
Who has feelings

Alone is a word
A word that means one
One person
All alone

By themselves
With no one
No one to love
No one to hate

No one to laugh with
No one to cry with
No one to celebrate with
No one to comfort with

No one to joke with
No one to play with
No one to talk with
No one to enjoy life with

There's no one
No one who cares
For the only "one"
Is in the word itself

Alone is a word
A word of waste
For there's no reason to live
If you're all alone

Emptiness inside
Replaces all happiness
And sometimes it seems
As if the world should just end

When one is alone
They meet their true self
For there's no one to hide from
No one to impress

That is when
The hatred begins
The hatred for themselves
The hatred for life

It stems from lonliness
It stems from emptiness
It stems from unhappiness
It stems from being alone

Alone
One word
That means so little
Yet hurts so much

=PRAYER OF A BOY NAMED MUQSIT ERFIAN=

2005-08-20T20:53:00.000+08:00

=PRAYER OF A BOY NAMED MUQSIT ERFIAN=

Its been along time since i've blogged. My life is kinda same...was initially struggling with exams, bt for now, i've been enjoying partying all day long... heheh... have been a bad boy... and i mean really bad boy.... hehhe... Basically, i've gt not much to blog about my life righ now. But for a change, i'll blog about smth different.

Well, basically my life is full of wrongdoings and guilt... and with the many guilt i have in life..comes a great prayer from me..
So...here goes...

=PRAYER OF A BOY NAMED MUQSIT ERFIAN=

God bless this night for when i rest -
let my loved ones sleep as well as i.
God forgive me for the wrongs and the lies
To right them and repent; i constantly try.

God, enchant the lives of the loved, make them not cry
for never will i present to them my sadness in this life.
God bless their meals and places they sleep -
for they know not the lonely, how much i do weep.

Dear God, bless upon me strength to overcome ;
For when love does fade, i find not the power to lead.
God, bless upon me a will to have full use-
because without their love, this fight i might well lose.

God, as sun shines and dew rest on leaf;
Let them too witness thy glory, thy faith and belief.
Lord, like dirt and the guilt that crusts on my heart and my face -
Let them never feel this; alike to my disgrace.

God, from your humblest creation thus true
Let them always awake - feeling anew.
God, as i lay myself down to seek rest
Please let them know how they always have my best.

God, like the stars in the night that doth shine
Let me have their care - as much as they have mine.
God, though i might fade in their memories
Let them know that they have all of me.

God, love them always, much like i do-
In trust and full heart, i kneel before you.
God as i sleep right after my very last meal
Make me forget; of how terrible i feel.

2005-06-30T20:20:00.000+08:00

...i wish i knew.....

Every line is about smone
whom i had trusted all my life bt
it juz seem dat she tried hiding things frm me which i already know.
im juz disturbed on why she had to hide things esp in my presence?
i juz dun understand?
To her frens, she introed him to them and even went out together. Bt wen im ard, she pretended dat she's single.
it juz doesn't make sense on why i had to be treated that way...
is she juz scared to hurt my feelings?? Bt wats the point?
She did it once before...sigh... im juz dissapointed in her....
I really don't want to think about it anymore...sigh...

Holding on to your grudge,
Oh it's hard to have someone to love.
Keeping quiet is hard,
cuz you can't keep a secret if it
never was a secret to start.

And still pretend and hope you didn't wanna get caught.

Holding on to your grudge;
Oh it hurts to always have to be
Honest to the people aound about the one that you love

Oh, so let it go for heaven's sake.........

2005-05-31T21:40:00.001+08:00

:: Waited ::
To every broken heart in here
Love was once a part, but now it's disappeared
She told me that it's all part of the choices that you make, yeah.
Even when you think you're right
You have to give to take

But there's still tomorrow
Forget the sorrow
When I can be on the last train home
Watch it pass the day
As it fades away
No more time to care
No more time, today

But we sing
If we're going nowhere...
Yeah we sing
If it's not enough
And we sing
Sing without a reason
To never fall in love

I wonder if you're listening...
Picking up on the signals
Sent back from within
Sometimes it feels like I don't really know what's going on
Time and time again it seems like everything is wrong in here

But there's still tomorrow
Forget the sorrow
When I can be on the last train home
Watch it pass the day
As it fades away
No more time to care
No more time, today

But we sing
If we're going nowhere
Yeah we sing
If it's not enough
And we sing
Sing without a reason
To never fall in love ...

to never fall in love again ?

2005-05-31T21:40:00.000+08:00

pain.....

2005-05-04T11:34:00.000+08:00

PAIN......

I can't remember the last time that we said goodbye
All our "I love you"s were just not enough to survive
Something your eyes never told me
But it's only now too plain to see,
Brilliant disguise when you used hold me
And I'm free

I've been thinking and here's what I've come to conclude:
Sometimes the distance is more than two people can use
But how could I have known girl
It was time and not space you would need
Tonight I could hold you and you would know
But would you believe ?

There's a light in your eyes that I used to see
There's a place in your heart where I used to be
Was I wrong to assume that you were waiting for me?
There's a light in your eyes
Did you leave that light burning for me?

Cards and letters and photograph pictures of you
Constant reminder of all the things you get used to
Is there a chance in Hell or Heaven
That there's still something here to build on ?
Or do you just pick up the pieces after they fall
But after all;

There's a light in your eyes that I used to see
And a song in the words that you spoke to me
Was I wrong to believe in your melody ?
There's a light in your eyes
Did you leave that light burning for me ?

Should I keep on waiting or does love keep on fading away
Fading away.

It's been a while since I've seen you so how have you been ?
Did you get my letter I wrote you that I did not send
I tried to call your old number
But the voice that I heard on the phoneI recognized but she told me the number was wrong

There's a light in my eyes it's too bright to see;
And a pain in my heart - where you used to be
Guess I was wrong to assume that you were waiting here for me
There's a light in your eyes
Did you leave that light burning for me ?

i miss u...

2005-04-28T17:19:00.000+08:00

They love you when you're on all the covers.
When you're not - .....
then they love another.

sigh......... =(

In sleep to come with faces know
we land the soft felt blow
to mark all ends to start all mends
to germ the seeds we'll sow.

In flames they reap in chains they keep
To make for blossoming snow
With love they weep and oceans deep
They drown; for nothing grows.

A gunshot blue; a sky in move
The difference made to show
With nothing meant and devil sent
All warmth is felt in woe.

The yellow sparkle where love does fade
In time for all to go;
In dreams i make / in life create
where next i will to go.

hmm.. im really shy!!

2005-03-03T13:52:00.000+08:00

hmmm... really dunnoe wat to blog... juz stoning in the com lab thinkin wat to write...hehe.... im all alone in the lab now... freezing and hungry..too bad...there's no one now to keep me company to have my lunch... guess i'll juz skip my meal... arrgghhh... wen can i see "U" or maybe go out wif "U"?? hahaha.... hu is dat "U"?? hmmm.... make a guess... haha... anywae... maybe i'll write a poem... enjoy...(for "U") hahaha....*bleahz* ;p

There's been something I've wanted to tell...
When I first saw you- I fell.
Right now I'm still falling for you
And this feeling I'm feeling- feels so true.
Whenever you pass by with your sparkling eyes
I don't say a thing, cause I'm just too shy.
You always smile when I walk by...
I say nothing but I just wanna die.
Been so many things I've wanted to say,
When I first saw you, that very first day...
I thought you were pretty, I thought you were fine.
All I wanted was for you to be mine.
You're the prettiest - over any other girl!
You're richer than diamond, or a pearl.
I just wanna spend time with you, but my shyness always pulls me away.
Too scared to tell you how I feel, every single day.
Been to sacred to hear a "no" or "I just wanna be a friend,"
Because I really do want our hearts to blend.
These are some things I've wanted to say
Ever since we met... that very first day....

goodbye to you... its all over....

2005-02-21T17:50:00.000+08:00

Today I say good bye
Leaving you with a single tear in your eye
Don't know where it all went wrong
Where I left myself behind
Now that I am lost I can't ask for anything more
But a memory of yours
I hope I am in your nightmares
hating you for everything you did
To make me cry
For every time you hurt me
Then left me used
Alone...
And abused
What can I say to make to you see all the pain
You caused meI am left out in the cold
To whisper good bye and never be heard
That memory I have of the laughs we sharedI must had made it up
Good bye to you
And I wish you the best of luck

sigh... i guess its time to end everything here.... im really tired of everything....only GOD noes how i felt all this while. Tired of waiting, tired of life .....TIRED OF EVERYTHING!!!!!!! I really wish i could be brainwashed and start life anew without all those rotten memories and any worries. sigh... i'd rather die!!!! GOD pls tk my life away!!

sigh.....

2005-02-16T16:51:00.000+08:00

If you reach out your hand i promise i'll never let go.

We'll walk in the rain and laugh till the night grows still.

The shooting stars,the heavens above,
at least i knew i had you that moment.

After we've said goodbye,our smile still remains and i know we once loved.

Please dont be an actor, i dont wanna deal with lies.

If you're gonna stick around, make it forever.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------

O woe is i;
who have lied for so long -
and now embrace, only too late a time.

Look upon me now, and see truest form;
of pain enveloping - of love none,
a heart but black - a coldness won.

i agree to them all -
i am a liar, a cheat, a fraud and a fake -

...or at least i was

for now; i admit, and thus - i remake

hmm.. tk care pple..

2004-11-24T01:12:00.001+08:00

hey pple... how r u pple feelin?.. hope u all r fine.. unlike me...i've been sick eversince the LTC camp...i did went to see the doc....(cuz many of my frens forced me to)..and....sigh... i guess my condition is really bad.. the doc wants me to go to hospital to go for a full check up...just like wat my dad told me, the doc also said i may have sm kind of infection in my lungs causin me to cough alot and really bad... sigh... smtimes i can see dat my life is endin soon..i juz dunnoe... well if really GOD wants me to go, den i will...hmm.. well.. i hope u pple, esp to my frens and family, PLS tk care of ur health.. dun want u pple to end up like me.... till den...bye...

WHEN TOMMORROW STARTS WITHOUT ME

When tomorrow starts without me,
and I'm not there to see.
If the sun should rise and find your eyes,
all filled with tears for me.

I wish so much you wouldn't cry,
the way you did today.
While thinking of the many things,
we didn't get to say.

I know how much you love me,
as much as I love you.
And each time you think of me,
I know you'll miss me too.

But when tomorrow starts without me,
please try to understand.
That an angel came and called my name,
and took me by the hand.

And said my place was ready,
in heaven far above.
And that Id have to leave behind,
all those I dearly love.

But as I turned to walk away,
a tear fell from my eye.
for all my life I always thought,
I didn't want to die.

I had so much to live for,
so much left to do.
It almost seemed impossible,
that I was leaving you.

I thought of all the yesterdays,
the good ones and the bad.
I thought of all the love we shared,
and all the fun we had.

If I could relive yesterday,
for even just a while.
Id say good bye and kiss you,
and maybe see you smile.

But then I fully realized,
that this could never be.
For emptiness and memories,
would take the place of me.

And when I thought of worldly things,
I might miss come tomorrow.
I thought of you and when I did,
my heart was filled with sorrow.

But when I walked though heavens gates,
I felt so much at home.
When God looked down and smiled at me,
from his great Golden throne.

He said This is eternity,
and all I've promised you.
Today your life on earth is past,
but here starts anew.

I promise no tomorrow,
but today will always last.
And since each days the same way,
theres no longing for the past.

You have been so faithful,
so trusting and so true.
Though there were times you did some things,
you knew you shouldn't do.

But you have forgiven,
and now at last your free.
So wont you came and take my hand,
and live my life with me?

So when tomorrow starts without me,
don't think we're far apart.
For every time you think of me,
I'm right here is your heart.

PS: If im really gone, pls tk care of urselves ya. Pls dun cry and be sad. Its juz dat its time for me to go. If u ever miss me, just look up at the stars and talk to them, i'll always be up there listening to you. tk care to all i dearly love..

hmm.. tk care pple..

2004-11-24T01:12:00.000+08:00

hey read!!!! OMG OBEY!!!!

2004-11-19T23:34:00.000+08:00

hey pple... read this.... and "OBEY".. hahha....As 4 me.. i dun care.. i still hate pple in silence....

Consider how much more you often suffer from your anger and grief, than from those very things for which you are angry and grieved. (Marcus Antonius)

Don't hold to anger, hurt or pain. They steal your energy and keep you from love. (Anonymous)

Hatred - The anger of the weak. (Alphonse Daulet)

Holding on to anger only gives you tense muscles. (Joan Lunden)

If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will escape a hundred days of sorrow. (Chinese Proverb)

Like an unchecked cancer, hate corrodes the personality and eats away its vital unity. Hate destroys a man's sense of values and his objectivity. It causes him to describe the beautiful as ugly and the ugly as beautiful, and to confuse the true with the fact ( Martin Luther King, Jr.)

Moderation in temper is always a virtue; but moderation is principle is always a vice. (Thomas Paine)

The best answer to answer to anger is silence. (Anonymous)

When anger rises, think of the consequences. (Confucius)

from kim! =P

2004-11-18T01:32:00.000+08:00

=) =) =) =) =) =)
SMILE. SMILE. SMILE. SMILE. SMILE. SMILE.
SMILE. SMILE. SMILE. SMILE. SMILE.
SMILE. SMILE. SMILE.SMILE.
SMILE. SMILE. SMILE.
SMILE. SMILE.

FROM: KIMMY! =p

2004-11-13T01:07:00.000+08:00

why do u so heartlessly stab urself...
every word of spite...
and insult...and every sarcasm...
everytime u brush aside someone;s concern...
everytime u reject help...
everytime u refuse to say to reveal....
u stab a knife into ur own heart...
why do u do it...
even when u crave for the concern others throw upon u
u are not dying...
u are killing urself...
shutting out the love....
the joys...
and tears...
u leave urself empty of emotions...
but don;t u understand
thats not true peace....
thats despair...
given up...
why....why dun u do something to make ur life better....
why dun u open up...to the love...
to love again...
to accept love...
to accept loving?....
why dun u show the happy side of u...
be who u are...
be the king of kings...
so pls....
pls stop murdering urself...
stop punishing urself...
let goodness prevail...

hmm... well dis is wat KIM wrote to me in msn....izit true abt me?? hmm... y dun u pple judge??... well as for me...after reading afew times...i guess its sooo true... hmm.. i guess i have to change myself... bt how?? i juz wish i cld gain back my happiness dat i used to have...well kim...thanx 4 makin me come back to my senses...watever it is.. i'll try very hard so as to get back my happiness... hmm...

2004-11-11T01:34:00.000+08:00

alright peeps... listen up!.. im back... yup! im back wif my revenge and my deepest hatred on pple hu juz constanly pretended to like me bt hated me deep in them and dun dare to show it out.. oh c'mon.... fuck off will u!!... If ur motive is to make me fall hard right on the ground so that u can step on me...think again.. its not gonna happen...My only downfall will only happen when im no longer standing on the earth.(yes! When Im dead!) i may be quiet all the time.. bt dat doesnt mean i gt nth to say... dats juz me.. AND I AM HU I AM... and nth's gonna change! So pple... hate me and i MEAN HATE ME HARD for all i care!!! juz want u to noe dat my hatred 4 u is juz juz too hard 4 u to handle...!!!

I AM HU I AM!

The shadows fall, in my darkened room
Where the candles cast an eerie light.
Bathing my face in darkness,
Hiding my emotions.
I wish that somebody would tell me
Who I am
Not who they want me to be,
Or who I make myself
But who I really am.
You say that you don't like me
You say that you want to change me
It hurts, but you don't care.
As long as I'm in pain, you are happy.
As long as I'm crying, you are laughing.
I want to be myself
Not a "freak", not a "weirdo"
Just ME
But how can I be?
When no one will let me!
"Do this"
"Wear this"
"Say this"
I am nothing
I am your puppet on a string
You've mangled my heart and my head
You've destroyed me!
But I won't let you change me anymore
Who am I?
I am ME!

I TRUSTED YOU

You reached inside my soul
Emptied my emotions and twisted my heart
With your bare hands
Your words harsh and your lips cold
You feel no emotion
Weeping aloud I wonder why?

I trusted you with my deepest secrets
My empty heart I gave to you
You filled it up and poured it out
And left me bleeding
Alone and broken

I thought you were different
So full of love and advice
Tender and warm
Cold and unfeeling
A monster trapped inside your mind
Wanting only one thing
Devoured me slowly
You made me
You destroyed me

You were like my good friend to me.
But sadly to say, I was nothing to you

I am
Nothing!
Used!
Nobody!
Gone!

im juz born pure failure.. sigh...

2004-11-07T01:57:00.001+08:00

sigh.... juz gt nth to say... except...IM BORN FAILURE... im juz a failure in everythin in life...no use givin me extra chances... cuz i'll juz keep failing..again and again...juz no point u guyz makin frenz like me.... no use livin anywae... sigh.....

Despite your words,
Im a failure.
Placing hope in others,
In you my cure.
"We are all prisoners,
Of our own device."
Because of me,
Im caught in ice.

Blame rests,
On none but me.
Future mistakes,
I didnt see.
Its all my fault,
Im hurt this way.
Its because I fail,
I have to say.

"I was dying,
Nearly had my cure.
But Im to fucking dumb,
Im just failure.
Im hurt worse now,
Then was before.
This pain I bought,
Bought so much more."

My heart blames me,
My mind blames you.
Its not your fault,
Know that as true.
You hurt me,
Because I fail.
My fault not yours,
My heart impale.

You hid from me,
That cause me pain.
Because I was too weak,
To ask again.
At first I saw,
Just a delay.
My amending chance,
Is blown away.

Now a delay,
Just failure clear.
My knuckles bleed,
My shattered mirror.
"Closer" you say,
Like that is better.
Closer is still failure,
"F" my grade letter.

Im a fallen guy,
Cant see the top.
My rampant failure,
Will never stop.
When I fail myself,
I barely care.
But I failed you,
You I couldn't spare.

I dont deserve,
All you've done.
Don't forget Im me,
The worthless one.
I've hurt myself,
And dragged you down.
In my crimson life,
I wish to drown.

I pray release,
You all of me.
But failure and pain,
Are all I see.
I've trapped myself,
And you are caught.
Until that day,
I pass to not.

I've failed, I've hurt,
I deserve to die.
I scream my pain,
I want to cry.
Release, escape,
And peace of mind.
Are barred to me,
I'm left behind.

im huz born pure failure

2004-11-07T01:57:00.000+08:00

My Final Note....(good bye)...

2004-09-06T23:25:00.000+08:00

My Final Note....(good bye)...

One final note for one final sin
I've yearned for peace to my whits end
My pencil burns through my papers
My last goodbyes to family and friends

My soul screams for one more chance
Don't do it...your life must have some relevance
Uncontrollable tears pour from my eyes
I want to quit, myself i despise

Forcing unwanted smiles day in and out
No more drive or hunger, my pain is devout
I only have myself to blame
My despair controlls me, it can't be tamed

No one notices my cries for help
I open my mouth, but no one hears my yells
The more i try, the further my regression
I can't escape this state of depression

A soul that was once happy and free
Feels trapped inside a box of misery
Darkness falls, the walls cave in
Death is the only solution my mind will comprehend

Memories suddenly flutter my mind
I wish i could rewind the hands of time
But lingering above, there's only one solution
There's only one way to defeat my confusion

My mind says my time here is due
Nothing to fight for, nothing to lose
Time to leave behind the tears
Time to avoid my ultimate fears

I regret the times i've wasted
My appologies for all the lives i've complicated
To those i've hurt, i beg forgiveness
To those i've loved, i wish smiles infiniteness

Don't shed any tears for me
Now my soul can finally fly free
Please remember me with fun and laughter
As i now end my "happily ever after".

Waiting For Her

2004-09-06T11:20:00.000+08:00

Waiting For Her

Been hurt so many times
Cant count on fingers and toes
But still I sacrifice my heart
For something nobody knows

Asking myself when and who
Sometimes even asking why
My heart has to be broken
Causing tears to flow from my eye

A girl too perfect to be true
For right now she is far away
Unconsciously wanting and waiting for her
Until she comes on that special day

Her intellectual wit
Far beyond that of mine
Her amazing personality
Is more than a sign

A heart tender and loving
Looking for something like never before
Beauty from the angels
Leaving me wanting nothing more

Thoughts of us together
I cant stop thinking about
Thinking of something new and pure
Something that we couldnt ever doubt

So early in this situation
But feeling like eternity
Hoping you feel the same way
About what we will come to be

As I wait here for you
Knowing you will be here soon
I cant stop thinking of you and I
Laying outside gazing at the beauty of the stars and the moon

Wanting for our lips
To mend the wounds of the past
Now all the pain before is healed
For two in love in a moment that will last

I hope I am no disappointment
To you when we meet
And I wish that it will be you
As my princess is how I will treat.

2004-09-04T23:36:00.000+08:00

I hate and at the same time love you more and more
each and every day
this is what i think of you
as on my bed i lay
you said you'd always love me
you said you'd always care
i suppose that was another lie
because your never, ever there
last year you loved me
and i loved you too
all summer i kept that love..
so what happened to you?
yeah, i skrewed up alot
but cant i have another try?
but thats not what you thought
and thats what made me cry
i was too scared..
so i let you go
but i regret so greatly..
its left me so low
and now its september,
we meet again
often i think of you,
once and again..
i pass in the halls
and you dont even see
i just want your love
the love just for me..
the love i once knew
but now has passed on
the love that i crave
the love that is gone
so now i am going
i'll try to let go
and i'll try to forget
all the times you said no
when you said no i dont like him
no i dont care
no i dont want to
no im not gonna be there
so goodbye forever
i hope one day you'll see
if you wouldn't of said no
you coulda had me..

My Departure

2004-09-04T22:54:00.000+08:00

My Departure

If I die before I wake
All my things I hope you take
I hope you like what you find
And put a picture of me in the back of your mind

All I had was never enough
After a while it was just pointless stuff
Material things I had too much of
One thing missing, a thing called love

Felt as if I was trapped in a cage
My body engulfed with a fearless rage
Thoughts of life and death would pass through my head
Feeling as if no one cared what I said

There are things we all need
Maybe next time for them no one will bleed
Take my life with my death as a lesson
And make sure you ask GOD for his blessing

Death Is My Only Way Out....

2004-09-02T23:36:00.000+08:00

Death Is My Only Way Out....

Why am I here on this wackass Earth?
I dont know why GOD made it true to my birth
All I do is mess up and disappoint my parents and friends
I dont know why but it seems like I aint got no sense

I dont want to live anymore
Soon Ill be up above at the golden doors
Whats the point for me to be alive?
It seems like no reason for me to survive

Why is my life so fucked up?
Why cant I be anything more than a chump?
Im growing up trying to be my Dad
But when something goes wrong its always my bad

I wish and dream that things would go for the good
But the way things happen isnt the way they should
Why am I one to be punished?
As if I was one to never have my religion replenished.

HIT THE FLOOR!!

2004-08-29T22:44:00.001+08:00

HIT THE FLOOR!

THERE ARE JUST TOO MANY
TIMES THET PEOPLE
HAVE TRIED TO LOOK INSIDE OF ME
WONDERING WHAT I THINK OF YOU
AND I PROTECT YOU OUT OF COURTESY
TOO MANY TIME THAT I'VE
HELD ON WHEN I NEEDED TO PUSH AWAY
AFRAID TO SAY WHAT'S ON MY MIND
AFRAID TO SAY WHAT I NEED TO SAY
TOO MANY
THINGS THET YOU'VE SAID ABOUT ME
WHEN IM NOT AROUND
YOU THINK HAVING THE UPPER HAND
MEANS YOU'VE GOTTA KEEP PUTTING ME DOWN
BUT I'VE HAD TOO MANY STAND-OFFS WITH YOU
IT'S ABOUT AS MUCH AS I CAN STAND
JUST WAIT TILL THE UPPER HAND
IS MINE!

SO MANY PEOPLE LIKE ME
PUT SO MUCH TRUST IN ALL YOUR LIES
SO CONCERNED WITH WHAT YOU THINK
TO JUST SAY WHAT WE FEEL INSIDE
SO MANY PEOPLE LIKE ME
WALK ON EGGSHELLS ALL DAY LONG
ALL I KNOW IS THAT ALL I WANT
IS TO FEEL LIKE I'M NOT STEPPED ON
THERE ARE SO MANY THINGS YOU SAY
THAT MAKE ME FEEL LIKE YOU'VE CROSSED THE LINE
WHAT GOES UP WILL SURELY FALL
AND I'M COUNTING DOWN THE TIME
CAUSE I'VE HAD SO MANY STAND-OFFS WITH YOU
IT'S ABOUT AS MUCH AS I CAN STAND
SO I'M WAITING TILL THE UPPER HAND IS MINE

ONE MINUTE YOU'RE ON TOP
THE NEXT YOU'RE NOT
WATCH IT DROP
MAKING YOUR HEART STOP
JUST BEFORE YOU HIT THE FLOOR
ONE MINUTE YOU'RE ON TOP
THE NEXT YOU'RE NOT
MISSED YOUR SHOT
MAKING YOUR HEART STOP
YOU THINK YOU WON
AND THEN IT'S ALL GONE

I KNOW I'LL NEVER TRUST A SINGLE THING YOU SAY
YOU KNEW YOUR LIES WOULD DIVIDE US
BUT YOU LIED ANYWAY
AND ALL THE LIES HAVE GOT YOU FLOATING UP
ABOVE US ALL
BUT WHAT GOES UP HAS GOT TO FALL!!

Poem...From Me To U!!!!!

2004-08-23T22:41:00.000+08:00

This is a poem.... From me..To U!!!! hahha... anyway... juz write it for fun... hope u enjoy it....

IT'S TIME TO SAY GOODBYE....

It's time to let u go, Its time to say goodbye.
There's no more excuses, no more tears to cry
There's been so many changes, i was so confused.
All along you were the one, all the time i never knew.

I want you to be happy, you're always my best friend.
But it's so hard to let you fo now, what could have been?
I'll always have the memories, "He'll" always have you.
Fate has a way of changing, just when you don't want it to.

I won't give up, I won't give in.
I won't recreate what just might have been.
I know thet my heart will find love again,
Now is the time to begin.

Throw away the chains.
Let love fly away.
till love comes again,
I'll be okay...

It Begins To die. I'd Love To Give In; I'd Love To Live This Lies....Sigh..

2004-08-20T17:01:00.000+08:00

I am a scorpio. If you treat a scorpio nice, he'll treat you even better.If you so much as look at him in the wrong way, He'll kill you.

Look at me ; i'm the one whom you hate.

Look at me ; are you jealous now ?

You're of a million while me of the one ;

Look at me get down now and bow.

Now you're angry and ready to kill;

Can you not accept the truth about you ?

Are you so foolish, so stupid so dumb ;

Now that i've spoken, have you become numb ?

Hypocritical

Metaphysical

You paint a smile on your face.....

but on your knife the blood i taste.

You created me from your scorn,

I feel power i feel reborn.

This is not a world of fantasy,

there's no escape from reality.

I know what you think of me.

I'm not blind, nor dumb you see ;

I see the looks that pass between ;

The looks so crude, so crass and not clean.

Can't think but my mind is clear ;

My eyes are devoid but of tears.

I open my mouth but no words come to pass ;

I see the blood drip last.

Now that i'm enlightened ;

I look at you and smile ;

Why am i not frightened ?

I wonder as i smile.

You created me from your scorn,

I feel power i feel reborn.

This is not a world of fantasy,

there's no escaping my reality.

Take your knife and put it through me;

Coz i see what you'll never see.

Even if i die; i'll still be living :

The life of one already past breathing.

(done by me)

It Begins To Die. Id Love To Juz Give In;I'd Love To Live This Lie!!!

2004-08-16T15:42:00.000+08:00

I walked pass these doors, past you todayit seems so nonchalent, like it'd never happened at all yesterday.Walked walked walked away,I admire my disbelieve that i could throw it all away,these hours at night I'm lost in thoughts,walking away was my only comfort,and knowing im going awayis my only escape.I can't believe im sad again,& in disbelieve i'm not even worth uttering a wordof truth to your family and friends...Why do i keep indulgin in this self-reproach,when all i long for is that moment of faith in knowinga way out of this,Did i make a wrong choice, why can't i stop thinking about this,is it You?is it love?Or am i just fine without all of this,man i wish i could have just kicked myself then before i landed into this.

mynameismuqsit

flashback

summons

A Battle You Can't Win

The Big Book Of Regret

way back into love

beautiful past

true fact abt me

honour this silence

The late night irony.

how do

morning cry

6.45am

Make Me Whole Again

tried

..i..

imu...

random

Distant Memory

nose bleed

hmmm...

i tried.. did u?

sorry...IMU......alot

one week past...

Diary of a broken heart

plain life

re edited

Why are you running away?

lost feelings..

My Curse and The Repeat of The History.

*Waiting Patiently*

...the comeback...

Life's a Bliss

Fuck the whole world

in loving memory of steph

new skin!

Alone

=PRAYER OF A BOY NAMED MUQSIT ERFIAN=

pain.....

i miss u...

hmm.. im really shy!!

goodbye to you... its all over....

sigh.....

hmm.. tk care pple..

hmm.. tk care pple..

hey read!!!! OMG OBEY!!!!

from kim! =P

im juz born pure failure.. sigh...

im huz born pure failure

My Final Note....(good bye)...

Waiting For Her

My Departure

Death Is My Only Way Out....

HIT THE FLOOR!!

Poem...From Me To U!!!!!

It Begins To die. I'd Love To Give In; I'd Love To Live This Lies....Sigh..

It Begins To Die. Id Love To Juz Give In;I'd Love To Live This Lie!!!

Waiting Patiently